The Parents' Trap
by Itdoesringabell
Summary: Gossip Girl, Dair biased Holiday One shot. Future fic.


_Hi lovelies ! This is a drabble, really pointless, but I had to write it! I figured I would publish it now, because afterwards I'll be busy with my other fics, then exams, and then it'll be the Holiday break._

_Hum, this is a future fic, but ignore any kind of canon that isn't mentioned in it. I wanted to throw all the characters together, but there've been so many feuds that I don't even know where to place this kind of AU._

_Hope you'll enjoy it._

* * *

Everyone had gotten around with the idea of Dan and Blair being...Dan and Blair.

Rufus and Eric were the first to forget how unusual it could be. Serena then followed, even got to a point where she didn't look away when she would see them kiss hello. Jenny simply never talked about it. Vanessa would sometimes stop in the middle of a sentence and whisper _"how did this happen again?"_ Nate would sometimes stop in the middle of a sentence and laugh _"I'm sorry, but this is hilarious_". Lily would never forget to tell them that they were "_absolutely adorable_".

Chuck had to accept, because everyone else around him did. Dan and Blair had been dating for two years when Chuck finally spoke to him normally -as normally as Chuck Bass would address Dan Humphrey- again. But Dan always waited, wary, for some move from Chuck to show that he still carried the tiniest grudge.

That was the reason why Dan's mind immediately went to Blair when Chuck grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, one Sunday afternoon, and pushed him against the wall as Dan was entering their parents' apartment.

"Listen, Chuck..."

"Run, Humphrey" Chuck cut him off "It's a trap"

Dan frowned with the intention of asking for explanations. Then he took in Chuck's tuxedo -too formal for brunch- and the plates of amuse-bouche in the entrance. Then he saw Serena coming down the stairs, wearing a dress _with a bow on the front_. Their eyes met, and she ran downstairs toward them.

"Go" she whispered, pushing Dan toward to the elevator "She hasn't seen you yet"

Dan hurried, pushing frantically on the call button, praying for it to come fast enough. When the elevator doors opened, he turned around one last time.

"Tell Eric and Jenny, I am so sorry"

He had put only a foot in the elevator when Lily's voice rang out behind them, stopping him at once.

"Good, Daniel, you've arrived!"

Too late.

Lily walked toward him. She was wearing a long, silk red dress and a pearl necklace. She even had upper gloves on. Dan barely restrained from rolling his eyes.

"Your tuxedo is waiting for you in Eric's room." she said "And try to do something with that hair, will you?"

She pat him on the shoulder, and Chuck and Serena pushed him to the bedrooms. Dan found Eric struggling with a red bowtie. He gave Dan a dreadful look when he saw him.

"Unmerry Christmas to you" he said.

Dan groaned, while picking up his tuxedo. He shivered at the sight of the green bowtie.

"Where's Jenny?" he asked.

"Probably slicing her wrists open in the bathroom"

"I can't believe we didn't see it coming" Dan started to get undressed.

"Well, it's actually really devious to us Rufus's waffles as bait. I'm telling you, I'm never coming to brunch again."

Dan put the tuxedo on, then made a stop by the bathroom to try to discipline his hair. Jenny appeared, wearing a dress similar to Serena's. She didn't have make up on, except for red lipstick.

"I look like a whore" she said, pushing Dan aside to look at her reflection.

"We all look like whores" Dan replied.

"Let's get this over with. People are starting to arrive"

They went back to the living room, where some people that Dan didn't know were sitting, in casual outfits. Serena, Chuck and Eric were sulking by the Christmas tree. His jaw clenched when he spotted the photographer. Lily went to grab Dan by the arm, and started to position them. Eric and Dan on each side of Chuck, Serena and Jenny sitting on chair in front of the boys and the parents on each side of them. Rufus gave them all an apologetic smile. Jenny shook her face at him, the betrayal stinging.

"Now" Lily said "Everybody smile for the camera"

The photographer counted to three, before snapping the shot. He checked it afterwards, and gave Lily an awkward laugh.

"Perhaps the children are nervous" he said.

Dan hadn't smiled at all. And he had expected the others to do the same.

"If I don't see smiling on the second shot, trust funds are getting cut" Lily warned.

Serena managed a crisped smile. Eric really tried. Chuck, Jenny and Dan didn't even bother.

"Come on, guys" Rufus tried to sound enthusiastic "After everything we've all been through together, isn't it nice to finally do something as a normal family? You'll only have to actually smile for three seconds, tops"

There was a collective sigh expressing their dismay.

"Five seconds" Serena told the photograph "You better get it. Smile in three, two, one…"

Dan stretched his lips, counted in his head, then went back to pouting. More people had arrived, meanwhile, and they were all looking at them with a smile. Dan even heard one old woman whisper "_how sweet"_.

Lily cleared her throat, opening her arms to the guests.

"The Van der Woodsen- Bass-Humphrey household wishes you a Happy Holiday Season"

All the guests started clapping. Dan saw Blair entering the penthouse. She instantly smiled when she saw him in his tuxedo.

"So cute" she mouthed at him, standing back with the other guests.

Lily picked up three books from the coffee table and handed them to Dan and the others.

"What is that?" Chuck asked, alarmed.

"Those are carols lyrics" Lily answered.

"Lily, you cannot be serious" Jenny said. She looked like she was about to have a stroke.

"Oh, stop acting like children" Lily hissed "Now open the books at page 23. We're singing Silent Night"

"It's the middle of the day" Eric objected

"Silent Night!"

Lily gave them this look that made them open the books and look for the lyrics. Once everyone was ready –as ready as they could possibly be –Lily cleared her throat and gave the signal.

"Siiiiilent night, hoooooly night…"

It was like listening to a badly keyed orchestra. Jenny was mostly mumbling the words, Eric wasn't bothering reading them, throwing random words on the melody. And Chuck was out of tune. Only Dan and Serena could have come close to acceptable, had they bothered to sing louder than a whisper. They all gave Blair a murderous glare when she took out her phone to start recording them.

Once the song was finished, there was another round of applause and they all turned to Lily. She sighed.

"You can go" she said.

They all started running towards the bedroom, and stopped to look at Dan.

"What?" he said

"Humphrey, you're going to go back in there, and take that phone from your girlfriend before she sends the video to Gossip Girl" Chuck pointed at the living room.

"What? No, I wanna get out of this thing too"

"GO!" they all screamed.

Dan swore under his breath, and turned around, walking toward Blair. Her back was facing him, and she didn't see him approach until he maneuvered to take her phone between her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"Deleting the video"

"You can't do that, it's private property"

She tried to reach it and Dan stretched his arm upward, making her jump.

"Aaaand gone" Dan gave her back her phone, and kissed her on the corner of her lips "Say hi to Gossip Girl for me"

He went to change with the others. When he was back, Blair was chatting with her mother. She turned her head away when she saw him walking to her.

"Eleanor" Dan said, kissing her hand.

"Hi, Daniel. Blair told me I missed quite a show"

"Uh, not really. Blair, you mind coming a minute?"

"I do, actually"

Dan stuffed his hands in his pockets "Blair, come on. Don't be such a baby"

Blair finally got up, and followed him to the kitchen, where they would be alone. She crossed her arms, and started taping her foot.

"What do you want?"

"Why are you mad at me?" Dan asked "I should be mad at you, for not telling me what would go down today"

"I couldn't! Lily made me promise" Blair defended.

"You didn't want to miss the opportunity of seeing us in this embarrassing posture" Dan accused once more.

"True" Blair admitted in a sigh "But Lily had leverage. She knows."

"She knows what?"

"That you proposed, idiot!"

Dan stretched his eyes, and looked around to see if anyone had heard. Everyone was busy socializing.

"How the hell did she find out?"

"We ran into each other at Cartier, when I went to have the ring resized. She saw it, figured the whole thing out and started to plan this thing"

"Dammit, Blair! You know she's been waiting years for the opportunity and that we always have to be careful around the holiday seasons"

"Hey!" Blair pointed her finger at him "This wouldn't have happened if you had bothered asking Serena my ring size in the first place"

"Please, Serena cannot keep that kind of secret. I would have been better off proposing to you through Gossip Girl. And she had leverage against you and me, not my siblings. I'll never forgive myself for bringing them down with me"

"Oh my God!" Blair rolled her eyes "It was a picture in matching outfits, and some caroling, not Vietnam"

"You weren't on the other side, you don't know how it felt like" Dan whispered furiously "I can still hear my dad tell me '_come this Sunday, we're having a special brunch'_"

"Is it too late to say no to your proposal?"

"Yes" Dan pulled her into a hug, and Blair naturally wrapped her arms around his waist. "You're stuck with me forever, now"

"Lucky me, I kinda like you"

They laughed together, and Dan kissed the tip of her nose. They stayed this way until Jenny called them from the living room.

"That's enough PDA for today" she said loudly

"Yeah, you'll have plenty of time for that on your wedding night" Serena chimed in.

Dan and Blair froze. So did Chuck, Eric and Jenny.

"What?" Rufus asked.

"Serena!" Blair hissed

"Oops" Serena shrugged, grimacing.

"No, no, no, no!" Jenny stood up "This isn't happening!" she walked to Dan and slapped him "Don't do this Dan!"

"What the fu…" Dan trailed off, glancing at the guests watching them, then back at Jenny, rubbing his cheek "Are you crazy?"

"It was supposed to be just a phase!" Jenny said "You cannot marry her. It's Blair Waldorf. She is the personification of everything that is wrong in this world!"

"Yes, well she also is the personification of everything that is right for me" Dan countered.

Eric and Serena both put a hand over their hearts "Awww"

"This ambiance is getting close to the amount of cliché cheesiness that I can withstand" Chuck said "I need a drink"

"Dan, listen to me" Jenny grabbed him by the shirt, and pulled her toward him "What happened today, this is what will happen to you in twenty years if you marry her. The matching outfits, the tricking your children, the caroling, all of it. She will make you do it, Dan!"

Dan put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down, and undid the grasp on his shirt.

"Well" he shrugged "She's worth it"

Jenny's shoulders went down. She turned around, and went to hug Rufus.

"We lost him, Dad" she said.

Rufus rubbed her back, and smiled at Dan and Blair "Yeah, we did" he said.

Dan maintained the eye contact with his father for a few minutes, until both of their glares started to get watery. The both turned away, and Blair passed an arm around Dan's waist.

"You must have something in your eye" she said with a keen smile.

"I do" Dan rubbed his eye.

"Where is Nate?" Chuck asked, probably to change the subject.

"Having street sex with Vanessa somewhere around the block" Serena shrugged, picking up a mimosa.

"Why do they keep doing this in secret, if everybody knows?" Eric asked.

"I think they get off to it" Jenny replied. "You know, pretending that they are a secret"

"Well, speak of the devil"

Nate was making his way to them, smile plastered on his face, looking more handsome than ever.

"Happy Holidays!" he said "I'm sorry I'm late, what did I miss?"

"Nothing you'll regret" Serena finished her glass, and then shivered "And don't act like Vanessa isn't the reason why you are late"

"What?" Nate said in a high pitched voice "I don't…we didn't…I'm gonna get a drink"

He moved to the bar, and pretended he didn't see Vanessa entering.

"Hey, guys" she waved at them "What did I miss?"

"Being busted" Dan said, as he walked to kiss her on the cheek.

Vanessa glanced at Nate, biting her lower lip.

"Nothing else?" she asked Dan.

"Nope"

"Not even a little caroling session?"

"Oh yeah" Nate went to stand next to Vanessa "Did we forget to mention that while we were totally getting it on in the elevator" he paused to high five Vanessa "Blair emailed me a very interesting video?"

Dan turned to Blair "You didn't!"

Blair simply smiled.

"Don't worry, guys, we had a good laugh…" Vanessa started.

"A good something else" Nate said suggestively.

"Then we deleted it"

Eric's head rose in hope "Really?"

"Yeah" Nate shrugged "We figured that if we ever wanted to see it again, we would just have to go through Gossip Girl's archives"

There was a collective gasp and all of their phones started beeping.

Dan brushed a hand on his face. Blair nudged him.

"I can't wait to make you and our children wear matching outfits" she said, passing a arm around him once again "We are going to be so happy, Humphrey"

Dan pulled her closer and shook his head "God, I hate you"

He leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead.

* * *

_Happy Holiday Season ! _

_Love, xo_


End file.
